How to Dream
by MoonbirdsMelody
Summary: Previously written as Gifts and Curses / Modern AU Just before they graduate from their elite boarding school in Massachusettes, Eponine decides it's best to end things with her longtime boyfriend, Enjolras. He goes to Harvard and she's left to her own devices. What he doesn't know is that she's pregnant with his baby.


It was when the strip turned pink that Eponine made her decision.

Her time with Enjolras was to come to an end. With his acceptance to Harvard, his family, and his long list of goals he expects to achieve, their relationship was becoming too complicated the longer the two stayed together. The blond-haired boy had so much on his plate, she thought she could make it less heavy and take on some of the load.

The air was cold on the early April morning but she still chose to sit outside the cafe in Brookline. Her long brown hair, which stopped at her stomach, did nothing to protect her from the cold. Her cheeks were tinged with pink and she kept her hands warm by holding her cup of earl grey tea.

She sat there for five minutes before she spotted a head of curly golden locks half-that she loved so much-a block away among a crowd of pedestrians. Hair that she would often run her hands through, burying her face and relishing how soft it felt against her cheek.

Her stomach sank and she unconsciously placed a hand there.

Enjolras greeted her with a smile that was solely reserved for her. It was a boyish smile that made her heart leap every time she saw it. It's closed-lipped but genuinely bright.

This was going to be difficult. But most things were. Eponine knew she couldn't be an exception to much the world sucked.

"I think we should call it quits," she blurted out just as Enjolras pulled up a chair.

His smile faded and Eponine is preparing herself for how painful this was going to be.

"Why?"

"You know why."

"I'd like to hear you say it."

Eponine bit her bottom lip. She imagined a pair of dark blue eyes, similar to Enjolras', staring at her with disapproval instead of the fondness she found comfort in. The frown that accompanied those eyes was nasty and vicious, making Eponine want to curl inward and disappear. She can see other matching eyes surround her, all with the same look.

"This isn't going to work in the long run," she said, forcing herself to sound rational. She did think about this. It was the best decision, she had no doubt. But her strong feelings, the part of her pain that would rather make decisions based on feelings, was telling her this was wrong. "You got Harvard, and then law school. You have to become a great lawyer and you can't do that if you're stuck with your high school girlfriend."

"And why can't I?" There was a challenge in his eyes.

He sat up straight as though he was ready for a debate. He often was. But he was usually relaxed when he was alone with her. But from where he sat in front of the cafe, he wasn't.

She sighed. "Be realistic, Enjolras. This can't possibly go anywhere, or last as long as you think."

"I'm being realistic. I think I can make something work if I'm determined to make it work. Especially if I think it's worth it."

That made her heart flutter and she had to break eye contact just to keep him from reading her. She glanced down at her cup of tea. She hadn't taken a sip since Enjolras appeared. She wasn't sure she was allowed to have tea. She wasn't really sure what she could and couldn't have.

She felt so in over her head.

"We're moving on to better things," she said after a few seconds passed. "I know we talked about doing long distance, and I thought it was a good idea at the time. But after the last time we saw your mom, and all your plans for the future, I don't think there's any room for me in your life."

Enjolras threw his head back and groaned, frustration etched on his face. "Please don't listen to a thing my mother says. She thinks she knows what's best, but really she acts like this is Anna Karenin."

"Enjolras, you come from old money. Your family probably came here on the Mayflower."

"I'm not quite sure about that. Not the Mayflower. Maybe a different boat."

"Your family is wealthy. They were wealthy when they were still hanging out with aristocrats in Europe, and they got even richer when they got here, probably when Washington was president. My dad is a con-man currently in jail and the only reason I'm even in the same school as you is because of the scholarship."

"So what?"

"So what, we don't belong together!" She was beginning to feel frustrated. "It's honestly better for the both of us to go our separate ways. Either way, no one really stays with their high school girlfriend."

"My parents went to high school together."

"Yeah, but you're blue bloods. You guys stick together it's almost incest."

Enjolras still had a look of determination. Even though part of her like that he was still fighting for them, she was internally begging him to just let her go. Their relationship was bizarre the moment it started. No one expected it to happen, and though it brought much happiness to her, it also brought must stress and frustration. His parents allowed them to date, but there was always that constant reminder that Eponine was not right for him. They viewed the two's relationship as a rebellious phase that Enjolras needed to get out of his system.

Eponine also didn't like how little they made her feel. She did not want that for the small person growing inside her.

Shit, a person is growing inside her. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Enjolras, I want this and you need to respect that," she said with finality. "I no longer wish to continue this relationship."

Enjolras looked defeated, with his shoulders slumped and his blue eyes dulled. It was painful to see him that way, but she knew she had to do it.

"You'll see." Her voice was hopeful. "This will be good for us."

-x-

Eponine didn't go to the graduation ceremony. She rather they just mail the diploma.

Instead, she packed all her things and bought a one-way bus ticket to Greenport, holding a copy of _Franny and Zooey close_ to her. She kept rereading Franny's part, which was her favorite part. During her time at the fancy boarding school, she felt like no one understood how she felt until she read the book.

She snacked on a lot of Nature Valley bars and made sure she drank loads of water. Eponine can no longer have any unhealthy habits.

When she boarded off the bus, she found her grandmother, Lucinda, waiting for her. The woman had a comforting aura, with her long black hair falling down her back and all sorts of jewelry. As the town's psychic, she dressed the part. Her smile was bright and Eponine did not restrain herself when she began to run and envelope her grandmother in a tight hug.

"Oh my gosh," Eponine said, "you don't know how nice it is to see another weird person. All those posh rich kids are carbon copies of each other."

Lucinda laughed. "Well, you got to study with that amazing photographer. Not to mention, I really like those pieces you wrote in that newspaper."

Eponine released her from the hug. "Yeah well, journalism isn't really for me. They didn't have a creative writing club."

"I'm amazed they at least had photography and art."

"Eh, barely." Eponine shrugged.

The two walked to the little blue house with a nice porch and a beautiful garden. It was Eponine's favorite place to read and take photos. Although there were beautiful things to photograph at her posh boarding school, there wasn't much warmth.

Familiar faces greeted with radiant smiles, and Eponine felt so at home. She was certain this was the best decision she could've ever made. This was the best environment for a little kid. The last thing Eponine could ever want was for her little kid to endure the harsh, critical glare of Mrs. Enjolras.

Lucinda had her arm wrapped firmly around Eponine's shoulder the entire walk home. It was all the reassurance that she needed.

When Eponine finally entered the house, she was greeted with the smell of lavender and cinnamon. She made her way to her room, which was exactly the way she left it. The walls were white, decorated with colorful posters of places she dreamed to visit and bands she wished to see perform live. All her plants were still alive, and she could only assume that Lucinda watered them every day. She dropped all her bags to the ground and fell onto her bed, burying her face in the cozy burned orange blankets.

It was nice to be home.

-x-

Three months later, Grantaire appeared on their porch with tired eyes, a sarcastic grin, and all his things in a small book bag. "My parents kicked me out."

He glanced down at her and noticed the stomach that was swelling. His eyes bulged out. "I know you eat a lot, 'Ponine, but is it finally showing? Are you getting fat?"

Feeling slightly uncomfortable, she wrapped her sweater closer to her and crossing her arms. "Been eating more lately."

Grantaire's eyes glazed over for a moment, and she could tell he was putting the pieces together. "Is this why you broke up with that pompous social justice warrior?"

"Hey! We're not going to focus on me right now. You're the one who showed up unexpectedly."

She led her friend to the living room and instructed him to sit down while she went to get something to eat from the kitchen. After scrounging through the fridge and cabinets, she came back with a bag of veggie chips and a glass of water.

He frowned at the sight of the so-called "chips." "What happened to spicy hot Cheetos?"

Eponine placed the water and bag of chips on the coffee table. "Lucinda's been forcing me to eat healthy. The doctor too. Praying that the kiddo won't have my unhealthy habits."

She settled herself on the floor, crossing her legs and resting her head on the coffee table. Seeing her get so comfortable on the floor, Grantaire found himself sliding off the couching and joining her.

"Why are you here?" Her voice was soft, which contrasted with Grantaire's memories of her during their time at school.

"This was the only place I could think of."

"How come?"

"Just felt like the safest choice."

Eponine was silent for a moment, her eyes concentrated on the table. She traced the lines of the wood with her index finger and Grantaire thought the conversation had ended. "Yeah, I get that."

Grantaire lifted a brow. "Is that why you're here?"

With eyes still focused on the table, she nodded. "No offense, but your world is very unwelcoming. Last time I visited the Enjolras' residence, I received so many insults."

"And it's only 'cause you're poor. Now imagine telling you're very strict rich parents that not only do you not want to go to college, but you're also gay."

"Would probably elicit the same reaction as conceiving a child out of wedlock." She said this with a terrible impersonation of a wealthy woman from the Hamptons.

Grantaire laughed, already starting to feel better about his situation. "This place was the only place I know that would welcome me with open arms and no judgment."

This elicited a smile from Eponine. "Lucinda would gladly adopt you, so long as you pay rent."

As though by magic, the front door opened and Lucinda entered the house surrounded by the smell of incense and carrying a small cardboard box. She was busy looking through the contents of the box to notice Grantaire. "Eponine, I brought some crystals from the store that I think would be great for meditation, along with some essential oils."

When she glanced up and noticed Grantaire, a scowl appeared. "Is this the new shelter for lost wayward kids?"

Eponine got up and walked over to her grandma. "Grantaire got kicked out 'cause he's a disappointment to his parents."

"I promise to pay rent!" Grantaire yelled from the living room.

The scowl shifted to a grin. "You can start looking for jobs tomorrow. I heard Ted is looking for a new bartender."

"That's perfect!"

-x-

Everyone raised their glasses of champagne, toasting all their children as they started their journey of going to Ivy League colleges.

Enjolras stood against the wall near the doorway to the kitchen. Both hands were in his pant pockets and he looked on at everyone at the party with disinterest. He never really enjoyed the parties his parents hosted or even liked attending other people's parties. Though everyone was used to his antisocial tendencies during these occasions, with the daughters of his parent's friends often calling him Mr. Darcy.

In the back of his mind, he recalls Eponine laughing when he told her that in a secluded area of the school's library. _'That last literary figure I would ever compare you to is Mr. Darcy.'_

Her hair was long and messy, though she was glowing due to the light that filtered through the large window beside their table. He remembered how she fingered the holes in the sleeves of her oversized school sweater, how she leaned over the table just so he could get a good look at the photos she took the day before on her camera. If he had his own camera, he would've taken a photo of her in that moment.

Pushing himself off the wall, he walked over to one of the waiters and took a glass of champagne. He often did not like to indulge in alcohol, but tonight felt like an exception.

"Hey, buddy." A man with wavy brown hair came beside Enjolras and patted a hand to his shoulder. "How's it going?"

Enjolras turned to look at his friend Courfeyrac. He took a long sip of his glass before he could give a response. "I've been better."

Courfeyrac frowned. "Are you still upset about the break-up?"

Enjolras narrowed his dark blue eyes, shifting his gaze to the floor as though focusing on the marble tiles would help him conjure an answer. He told his friends about the break-up only a few days after it happened when they noticed that the two were trying their hardest not to be in the same room as each other. It wasn't that neither were hiding the fact, they just both felt like not talking about it.

He explained as much as he could about the reasons for their break-up, and though Eponine made some fair points, Enjolras still felt confused about the whole thing. This whole summer he reevaluated their entire relationship from beginning to end, trying to rationalize Eponine's decision. Although she did say that his social standing and his family were the reasons they should not be together, he never thought their social classes ever bothered her when they were dating. What his mother said about Eponine never made her feel any less. He knew it took more to break Eponine.

He didn't understand what changed.

"I'm not," he finally said. "I'm just thinking about what Harvard might have in store for me."

* * *

Songs for the chapter  
How To Dream by Sam Phillips  
Your Best American Girl by Mitski  
Mythological Beauty by Big Thief  
Swingin Party by The Replacements

the chapter title is from Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger


End file.
